Sign Me Up: I’m Your Girl

As I sit here on my flight headed back to Atlanta from The Love Project experience this weekend, my heart is full.  Who knew this little book inspired by pain would unleash so much brokenness and start a full blown movement toward healing our hearts so that we can truly live and be all God has called us to be?  I am truly in awe of what is happening to me and through me on this journey, and I am excited to see what will come next.

I won’t lie… I’d planned to be done by now.  I swear, this really wasn’t supposed to be “the book”.  I just saw it as a little sneak preview of that painful memoir I’d been writing and writing for years.  Today, I’m convinced this is the story that was in me all along.  I was just too blinded by my pain to recognize its glory.

So after the Atlanta launch, even though I could feel a knowing in my soul, I vowed to be still and just wait for God to show me what to do next.  For me, that looked like getting back to writing and staying focused on that call.  But God … well He has a sense of humor, and at this point it’s pretty obvious He’s got another plan.

With the Virginia Beach event now behind me, I’ll admit … I knew minimally this book would make its way to a few more women and perhaps together we could hold each other accountable, keep each other lifted and perhaps by the end of a year, we’d be feeling better about our lives, our stories and better able to accept our circumstances.  That’s the most I’d really hoped for.  After all, I wrote the book with a desperate urgency because I really, really need this in my life this year.  I’m hurting.  And healing from two back-to-back heartbreaks really, really sucks.  It’s kind of hard to author a message about loving yourself when you haven’t mastered it yet, and you still have so much work to do on your own heart.

I won’t lie, now more than ever I’m utterly intrigued to see who I will be in a year if I show up for myself, as much as I show up for others, every day.  And as excited as I am, what I hadn’t considered  was that He’d set me on a parallel path of guiding others as I guide myself. This is the craziest feeling of all.

So as I’ve vowed to be still over the last few weeks and wrestled with what’s next … a few things just kind of keep happening over and over again.  This is always my sign that God is prompting me to move in a certain direction. I know you have those moments too, whether you recognize them as God moments or not.  It’s those little “coincindences” when you’re minding your own business and one of those “the craziest thing just happened to me” encounters occurs.  Yeah… those types of moments keep happening lately.  So much so that I can’t even deny the truth of it all.  There’s more for me to do.  There’s more for us to do. It’s time we get to work.

Now this is where I want to pick up my bow and arrow, raise it to the sky and release the loudest “love warrior” cry ever, but the truth of  the matter is quite simple … this journey is not for the faint of heart.  We are in a war and it’s time  to roll up our sleeves and get to work.  We have to fight to reclaim our hearts and the battle will not be easy.  We have work to do cleaning out the garbage that has polluted us with pain, clogged our vessels with fear and kept us bound and cloaked in shame, believing stories and lies about ourselves that were never intended to be “the story”.  It’s time we fight to live and not die.  It’s time we stop living from our old stories and write new ones.  And yes, it’s time we get to work taking out our garbage so we can receive every good thing He has in store for us.

It’s crazy … In only a few short weeks this journey has already changed me and made me stronger. The Love Project is strengthening my faith.  I love when God shows out like that. In fact, it feels as if my personal struggle and fight for validation, love and acceptance from others has not only become easier to hold, but it’s been easier to bear.  And as I sit on this plane mulling it all over,  I see the beauty in this simple grace.

There is soo much power in community.  There is soo much strength in having a tribe of people who get you, understand you, don’t judge you and truly want  the best for you.  There is power in locking arms with sisters just like you and bearing your soul, standing before others facing your truth completely and utterly naked and unashamed.  There is healing in your tears.  And what’s more there is a soul stirring strength that comes from the vulnerability of it all.  When we trust fall into the abyss of that pain and come out the other side fire worn, tested and approved worthy, beautifully refined and whole … now that’s pure love.  And is that not right where God would have us be?  Vulnerable.  Naked. Unashamed. Exposed. Ready, willing and able to receive His love so He can help us release the pain, as ugly as it may be, into His loving arms?

This weekend, I gave as much as I received.  And I am forever grateful for the ladies who poured into me and allowed me to pour a little of my love out in return.  Today, I walk away feeling refreshed, renewed and even more excited to see where we’re going.  You know … God loves a great adventure? And if that’s truly the journey we’re on …. then hell yeah, sign me up. I’m definitely your girl!

 

xoxo,
Shani

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