There are without a doubt these crossroad moments in life where we know God is calling us to something higher, but the louder He calls, the harder we dig our heels into the currency of our situations. These seasons can be difficult, but I’ve learned when I surrender and give in to the calling the most beautiful blessings sprout forth.
He’s calling me in this season. Right here and right now. I can feel Him flowing through my very being, and yet the way seems unclear. So, I wait. Wait for the right time. Wait for the right sign. Wait for the right plan to take shape and unfold in my mind so I can … LEAP. Free and clear of impediments, danger, failure and all the gremlins lurking in my head keeping me from His path and my way.
Inevitably though, what I’ve found to be true is the feeling never subsides until I Let. It. Go. and trust Him with the fullness of my heart. Throwing caution to the wind, it is not until I am able to pray my way through to the other side, letting my faith guide the way, that I am able to clear the hurdle of uncertainty. For it is only when I stop trying to figure out the “how” that He is able to step in and release the “what”.
And so, He waits for me – ever so patiently waits for me- on the other side of my struggle holding a tenfold blessing that I could have never imagined. It is up to me though to muster up the courage to move. It can be no other way.
And isn’t that so much our truth? Waiting on the right time. Waiting on the right plan. Waiting on the right moment. Waiting on the “how” to unfold instead of trusting “what” we’ve been told. I am no different.
I’ve been in a reflective place for the last year or so thinking about my life and what I’d like the rest of my time here on this beautiful Earth to look like. I’m tired of pursuing success. I crave significance. Making a difference seems to be what matters most these days. Touching someone’s heart. Having a lasting impact or change in the trajectory of someone’s life. Being present and enjoying the company of my niece and nephew or having a great heartfelt conversation with a good friend over a great meal. I long to sit at my mother’s feet and listen to her tell childhood stories of growing up in the south during segregation. I want to make memories … etching each indelible print in my heart and mind forever. This is my what. It’s time to let God show me how.
Somewhere along the way someone led me to believe my worth was tied to my accomplishments. I was taught to strive and achieve and work hard to make more, acquire more, and be more. I believed I was not enough so I worked harder, tried harder and lived harder only to find that IT was not enough. It is not. ENOUGH. I crave simplicity these days. Quiet stillness enveloping me as write snuggled up in the coziest blanket ever made with a hot cup of tea in the morning… yeah that makes my heart smile.
And so I’ll patiently let Him do this work in me as He turns my art into His masterpiece, and I will choose to celebrate the journey more than the pain.